Friday, February 17, 2012

The Mature Relationship

I believe that marriage is a three stage process: Infatuation, Difference and The Mature Relationship.

During infatuation, you both get all your needs met, without having to ask. I think of this as the sampler - you get to actually experience all that is available to you with this person.

It ends when you start to have to ask for what you need. That begins the Difference Stage. If done with the skills available through Teamwork Marriage Mediation, you quickly learn how to negotiate with each other and get the benefit of these differences you brought into your life because you needed them.

If you do it the way most people do, stage two feels more like the Conflict Stage.

The only way to get to stage three: The Mature Relationship is to learn the skills; either from us, or by discovering them by yourself.

In many ways, the Mature Relationship is exactly like the Infatuation Stage, except this time it's under your control, and it's purposely co-created by the two of you. And it's flexible, because you can talk about what you need, and negotiate ways to meet both your needs.

It's like before only better!

It's like one of those optical illusions where the ground and subject switch back and forth depending on how you look at them. Sometimes you see a vase, other times you see two faces looking at each other.

Is all that fighting your real relationship, with momentary time-outs, or is your relationship a safe-haven, with momentary disagreements?

So the second stage, the difference stage, if done right, lets you relax into the simple truth of your longings and desires, unhooks your significant-other from the stress. They float free again. "Hum, I wonder who that is?" you get to ask again. Your curiosity is reignited. And your desire.

Inviting another person into that peace is phase three.

1 comment:

  1. I must say, I thought this was a pretty interesting read when it comes to this topic. Liked the material. . . Suzana